


I Won't Say I'm In Love

by Toni_Lynne



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 15:20:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13033962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toni_Lynne/pseuds/Toni_Lynne





	I Won't Say I'm In Love

_If there’s a prize for rotten judgment_   
_I guess I’ve already won that_   
_No man is worth the aggravation_   
_That’s ancient history, been there, done that_

* * *

 

Listening to Sam and Dean trying to teach Cas how to play pool, you watched a young couple out on the dance floor. Arms locked around each other and lips barely separated, you felt a pang of jealously. What did it feel like to be held by someone who truly cared about you? You were beginning to forget what it felt like to be held at all.

Your first boyfriend in school just wanted to get close to your best friend. The man you dated in college cheated on you every chance he got. The bartender you had fallen for a few years ago ended up stealing money from you to buy drugs. The hunter in Little Rock you tried to date was just looking for a way out of his demon deal. 

If there was a prize for rotten judgment, you would have won it over and over again. That’s why you swore of relationships now. And because you couldn’t help but get attached, you wouldn’t even indulge in the Winchester’s way of dealing with romance on the road. One night stands.

There wasn’t a man in existence that you would ever trust enough to give your heart to again.

* * *

 

_Who d'you think you’re kidding_   
_He’s the earth and heaven to you_   
_Try to keep it hidden_   
_Honey we can see right through you (Oh no)_   
_Girl, you can’t conceal it_   
_We know how you’re feeling_   
_Who you thinking of?_

* * *

 

“Y/N,” Cas came up to stand beside your chair, his hand falling on the back of your chair. “Are you okay?”

You tore your eyes off the dance floor and looked up at the angel. “I’m fine Cas. Just tired. I am going to finish this drink and walk back to the motel.”

Cas frowned. “It’s after dark and the motel is a few miles away. Let me tell Dean we need to leave.”

You reached out and grabbed his arm before quickly letting go as if you had touched fire. “Cas, they are having fun. It’s okay. I can walk back.”

“Then I will walk back with you,” Cas stated, his tone leaving no room for argument.

You felt your heartbeat increase and something began to burn in your lower stomach. You grabbed your drink, finishing it quickly as if you could use it to stop the sensation. You really wished you could yell at your traitorous heart like you could a dog. _“Bad heart! Bad!”_  

* * *

 

_No chance, no way, I won’t say it, no, no_   
_You swoon, you sigh, why deny it, oh, oh_   
_It’s too cliché, I won’t say I’m in love_   
_I thought my heart had learned its lesson_   
_It feels so good when you start out_   
_My head is screaming “get a grip, girl”_   
_“Unless you’re dying to cry your heart out”_

* * *

 

The night had turned cold and you shivered. The thin sheen of sweat from being inside the stuffy bar made the wind feel even colder.

You were trying to walk a few steps ahead of Cas so you jumped in surprise when you felt his trench coat drape aross your shoulders. You looked over to see him beside you in just his suit. “Thanks,” you muttered, sliding your arms through the sleeves. You could smell him on the collar of the coat and you wanted to bury your nose in the fabric.  **NO!**

Cas smiled, the big smile he rarely used, and you found yourself returning it before quickly looking forward again. What was wrong with you? Hadn’t you learned your lesson yet? Attraction led to affection. Affection led to love. Love led to getting your heart ripped out of your chest and crushed.

You couldn’t afford to go through that again. Especially not with someone so close to the Winchesters. When things fell apart you would lose them too and they were the only family you had. This life was the only life you knew. 

* * *

 

_Girl, you can’t deny it_   
_Who you are and how you’re feeling_   
_Baby we’re not buying_   
_Hon we saw you hit the ceiling_   
_Face it like a grown-up_   
_When you gonna own up that you got, got, got it bad?_

* * *

 

“Have you heard from Claire lately?” you asked, breaking the silence of the night and trying to find something small and innocent to talk about. Something safe.

“She’s out hunting again,” he replied, and you could hear the disappointment and worry in his voice.

“She’s a smart kid Cas,” you assured him. “She’ll be okay. Jody and Donna will take care of her.”

By now you were walking across the parking lot of the motel, heading towards your room. “Thanks for walking me back.”

“Y/N, I wanted to ask you something,” Cas said in a determined voice when you reached your door. 

Looking up into his eyes and seeing the hope in his gaze at the same time his hand came out to lightly take yours, you realized what was happening.  For a moment you were overwhelmed with a feeling of elation, that this beautiful creature that you had fallen in ….. **NO!**  

* * *

 

_No chance, no way, I won’t say it, no no_   
_Give up, give in, check the grin, you’re in love_   
_This scene won’t play, I won’t say I’m in love_   
_We’ll do it until you admit you’re in love_   
_You’re way off base, I won’t say it_   
_Get off my case, I won’t say it_   
_Girl don’t be proud, it’s okay you’re in love_   
_At least out loud I won’t say I’m in love_

* * *

 

“Can I take you on a date?” Cas asked, his voice soft as he looked in your eyes.

You licked your lips, your mouth dry. “Cas….”

He stepped closer. “We can go to a movie or dinner or anywhere you want. I just want to spend time with you as Cas and Y/N. Not as an angel and a hunter,” he said.

Looking up into his eyes you realized there was no way you were going to be able to stop yourself. “Cas I would really like that,” you answered honestly, your voice sounded scared even to your own ears.

He wrapped you in his arms, pulling you against his body. “I’m not going to hurt you Y/N. I promise,” he whispered before stepping back.  With one final smile at you, Cas opened the door to Sam and Dean’s room.  “Good night,” he said before disappearing inside.

Leaning up against the wood of your door, you looked up at the night sky.  It was too late… you had done exactly what you swore you would never do again.

But you weren’t going to say it out loud.

Not yet.

 


End file.
